I go in such spells. I will write and write for days, and then not for years. and then the urgency compels me once again ... always the same topics. Time, life, my children. Always trying to squeeze out a little more from each moment. Now i think about family dynamics. How beautiful they are. The emotions they draw. I wonder at the stress they can create. The undertow and rip tides are deadly. I imagine to Christ's days here and his dynamics. Not so easy for him either. One brother at least openly said he didnt believe him. talk about stress!

5x7 Folded Card

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5x7 Folded Card

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Pizza Picnics

We have been running this fall. we have been in many cities and have seen many wonderful things not the least of which is my new nephew and most recent niece!

I am homebody (tho my friends at home no longer believe me after our past 2 months of travel!) and I relish being able to vauum my rug or organize a cupboard. also I like to walk my neighborhood and pick pretty leaves. I like easy playdates and meals with friends.

But tonight I would not want to be anywhere other than right here in our little hotel room having our pizza picnic!

the bums in my brain

why am I awake?

better question. why can I not seem to place the thoughts that run the playground and city streets of my mind onto a nice confined orderly space. the more you know me the more you know i like things orderly and I like for everything to have a home. I diligently remove things from our home that are no longer needed wanted or useful. I lean into minimalism but can not quite stomach the vast loneliness that accompanies it - but the vastness is a draw!

so these hoodlums that ride the sidewalks and stair wells on their skateboards of time throughout my ideas and my thoughts - dont they want a home?

so many opinions, experiences and lessons learned dance and flip and turn laughing - dont they want a home? wouldnt they feel more worthwhile to have a title and a hardback hug?

I have entire lives created in my mind with simple vistas during a drive, and forgotten old homes generates tales of nostalgia and hope, but I am yet to corral these youthful roamers. I can hardly identify like qualities to group them or similar interests to link them..

they only pretend to be interested in what I want - they have a mind of their own but when they frolic as I lay in bed well meaning to sleep I do wish them some order and a home of their own.

what is home

I am in a very happy place. Staying with my beautiful sister, her kind hubby, and adorable kids, currently surrounded by my 3 borrowed loves - I am comfortable, safe, clean, loved.... So then why a tinge of homesickness.

Well this time it is easy. I know why. The other half of me is on a small island trying to create a time and place where people come face to face with things they have never seen or done or known before and that in such moments they look to God to make sense of things in their minds and hearts. When they look for Him they find Him as He promises and then - then they share it with the people around them. Mission trips are neat that way. and i know Chris loves me and I KNOW I love him, Still he is there and I am here and that is why I feel this way.

Funny tho how it occurs that way even when we are all together sometimes. Me and my husband and our children, maybe even extended family - where would any loneliness or homesickness fit? Well without Chris I feel lopsided. and sometimes when I am really in tune with Jesus, I realize more fully my incompleteness, my brokeness my neediness. and in realizing this I know also that whatever I am in the great scheme of things, it wont be finished until I am physically with Jesus. Until I can sit on the floor next to Him and just lean in for a nice long hug.